Gal mitthi mitthi bol

‘Aa soni tennu chand ki main churi pehnaoon
tu kar de ishara te mein doli lay aaon’

I shall make sure this song is played at my wedding.
Over and over again :)
And also the dulha, he should be as delicious as Abhay Deol
Ah, what lovely dreams.
Too much day-dreaming is happening these days. Smiling to myself and all that. And I’m not even in love :O
Aunties in the train think I’ve gone mad with all the smiling I do, haha.

Love is doooooor ki baat, not even ONE eye candy around. Hurts okay :(
In an all girls college, when you’re bored of listening to the teacher go on about preferential shares and equity shares, all you want to do is look around and catch some *good* eye candy to stare at but no, when you look around ..all you get to see is twenty more girls who just like you are wishing they were somewhere else!

You know, I don’t feel like writing here anymore. My blog and I need a break from each other. We’ve had too much fun together and now we need some time off. I’m leaving just to return and to have the heart to write..like I used to :)

For all you know, I’ll be back tomorrow itself. So ya :P
But as of now, all I know is that it’s not the same anymore.

See you, poochampoos!

Of quotes.

"...That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are..."
-Paulo Coelho

Sometimes you wish you remained in the shadow. It’s like someone out there opened herself/himself completely to you and you don’t like what you see. And then things become different. You just withdraw yourself, become distant. Those are the times when you wonder WHY you even got to know that person so deep. If only you knew that you would be in for a big big shock..

Stop and stare.

I want to write something.
Anything.
And so I shall.
Write anything.
I always write 'anything'
But today I'll really write anything.
See? You see where this is going?
This is so meaningless.
Why am I even continuing?
But you're still reading. So good.
It's raining heavily outside. Bike ride. I want.

Yesterday was a total waste. Stuck in traffic for 2 hours. Bum aching. By the time I reached home, I was drenched. Muddy feet. Hair wet (:O). But I was absolutely fine. No throwing my moods around, whatsoever.
Some progress? :)
Hell yeah.

There's so much happening, in and around but I dont seem to be able to write it out. Writer's block?
Again?
How nice.

17 days since I last posted.
Missed me?
I missed you, you ..you and you

I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Days are going good :)
And I'm just watching them go by.
It's like my insides are screaming out to someone out there who's job is to throw shit at me ..they're like try and move me baby, this feeling's not going anywhere ;)

Love happened.

Blogger and its fuck ups -_-

What the hell!
The comments on the previous post arent showing!
I'm just getting email notifications!
Fuck you bloggerrrr, I could keeel you!

Just when I thought our chance had passed, you go and save the best for last

I fell out of it (whatever that was)
My case is different.
Unlike normal cases, I'm jumping with joy after coming in terms with my newest *realisation* :)
Ahh, I feel so free ..I could fly. I don't even need wings :O

Okay so as I said, My case is different. Erase it.

Now, picture a couple deeply in love. Love okay, love.
They're in love with each other for years together and then they get married and blah.
And slowly and gradually after all those years of togetherness, they start falling out of love. They don't feel the same about each other anymore. Staying together becomes a duty for them. They're together only for the others around them. Not for each other. It's all a pretence. If given a chance, they would have freed themselves long back but something or the other always comes in the way. And there, a life of compromise awaits them!

What a tragic situation!
This happens. This totally happens. I've seen such couples.
Couples who were so i-love-you-i-cant-live-without-you types, bubbling with strong, intense feelings for each other and then after years those very feelings are reduced to something so insignificant. Life is so unredictable. Forget about your partner falling out love, tomorrow you yourself might not be able to relate to him/her the way you used to for whatever the reasons may be.

Scary? Hell yeah
But this optimistic part of me rises from somewhere inside and tells me that not all cases turn out to be as sour. You have to keep the love alive and it is an effortless thing when the right one comes along.
I completely believe in *soulmates*. Call me someone who lives in a world of butterflies and rainbows, Idontcare.

People change. Situations change. Boredom. Work Pressure. And so many others I can't think of right now.
To battle your way through all that, together ..still madly in love with each other ..is like wow! :)

And if you even fall out of love ..let it free. Don't cling on to a relationship or a person. Accept the fact that things arent the same anymore and let go. You'll be glad you did so!

'In a single moment you might be perfect
And sit In a window of my life
But how much how much more will I get to see?
What would i strive to hide
Now there will be no compromise
So take it in your stride
I will leave you now with a smile'
- Lovesong by Amiel

It's 2:40! What am i doing posting stuff about love and all that!
Goooodnight

Put your own title. I'm too bored.

One second, I’m all so excited about the future and the next second, I’m petrified. Well, this is the petrified phase going on now and oh.my.god, I’m so scared I could pee in my pants.

Everyone has such grand plans. And what am I doing? I’m living someone else’s plan. Nooo. I don’t want to. I want my own sweet plan. The plan I could think about every night and work towards making it work.

Why can’t I just be walking on the street when some beeeg director could spot me and cast me opposite Ranbir Kapoor in some movie? Of course, makeovers and all will happen also :P
And the money..and Ranbir! :O

But no!
Only anorexic females who hardly know how to speak properly like Kangna Ranaut are allowed this.
Uff. Can you feel the tension?

You up there ..must be laughing there with a bucket of popcorn in your hand.
Your daily source of entertainment, aren’t I?

P.S: I really like Kangna btw. But this mood is such. It makes me write mean things about people.
And no, I certainly don’t want to become an actress. It was never a part of any of my plans (okay once when I was small but I grew over it pretty soon)
It's just Ranbir, you know :(

And tell me! Who invented the word ‘re’?
Highly annoying. Makes me want to scream.
Yes re, No re, Why re, What re, Come re, Eat re, Nothing re.

WTF. STOP IT.

I am illiterate when it comes to football and this is the toughest time of the year, for people like me.
I hate it when all people can talk about now is ..FOOTBALL and I have nothing to offer! Except for of course ..

When does this bloody thing come to an end?
How do people WATCH sports? Don’t they get bored?

Too much randomness in one post. Not good.
And then tomorrow, I’ll suffer from a writer’s block.
Tsk.

Bye bye bye!

Look, Look inside your tiny mind ..

Stop. Think.
Do you know yourself?
Do you know why you follow/believe certain things?
Do you have any preconceived notions? If yes, then on what basis?
Now, just be honest.

If you dont know, then I’m sorry you’re being plain stupid. Because you obviously live in the stone age and don’t find it necessary to question yourself from time to time.

How do people live like that, I wonder? One thing’s for sure, it’s damn easy to live that way. But easy or not easy is not the question. It’s whether one is satisfied living such a life.

People are like that because they get too comfortable living a certain way. Everything’s fixed in their life ..The stubborn and inflexible people they are. But guess what, reality check: isn’t it time, to come out of your comfort 'La-La Land' zone and focus on growing as a person?

I’ve met way too many people like this. When you ask them why they’re behaving in a certain manner..the best they can come up with is “That’s just the way I am” (Oh, how convincing!) or they’ll try and justify themselves with explanations which don’t include anything concrete.

I have no issues when people choose to live however they want to and even when I question them ..I don’t mean to impose my thoughts on them. I’m just this curious bunny who’s just asking a simple question – WHY? WHY? WHY?

You come up with something good, I’ll leave you.
I promise :P

-

Okay I read the whole thing and it makes me look like some stuck-up, conceited bitch who thinks herself to be oh-so-perfect! No, I don’t think myself to be even close to perfect but I surely don’t fall in the above category because I am always open to questions and I know if there’s something worth changing in me, I will give it a serious thought. It’s not such a humongous task, really.

In random news: I gave myself fringes and felt all creative today.
EEEEEEEEEEE :D

I hate New. I miss Old :'(

Getting used to people is sick. Getting used to anything is sick.
And that happens to be my hobby by the way.
Just when I get so comfortable in my own small little bubble, someone comes and bursts it and *pop* it goes!

There is a thin line between getting used to someone and genuinely *liking* the person. And as of now, I seem to have lost that line. So, I'm trying to figure things out but fuck, I don't know what I want!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!
Do you know HOW much that sucks?
So much shit happens in my head?
No, you don't. No one does.
So, the best you can do is stop lecturing me.
Thankyouverymuch.

I was watching some kids playing in the rain today.
And then I tried to remember the last time I played in the rain like that.
I realised, from the time I’ve turned into this obsessed-with-my-hair maniac, forget playing..I haven’t even walked properly in the rain minus any worries!

Fuck.this.shit.

It’s raining and to hell with everything else! I’m going to go there and break into a dance!

I love twirling umbrellas btw.
I also do stunts. Umbrella stunts.
And then the umbrella gets all weird and refuses to protect me from the rain.
Okay bye.

103 is starting to prick me now haa!
I know this is cheap promotion but it is all about loving your blog, riiiight? ;)

Hope-less.

I want to turn into this cold, indifferent ..uncaring creature.
Like you know, have this protective bubble around you types.

If not that ..

Then maybe, turning into a complete alcoholic will also do.
So that I can cry, shout, howl, whine ..whenever, wherever.
Like some ignorant fool.

If not that ..

Then let me just sleep through this phase
And act like I’m going die tomorrow.

Why this fuss?
Idontknow.

I hate feeling helpless.

I can’t control. I can’t change.
Because the strings are not in my hands. They never were.
And I’m tired of waiting for something to happen/change
So what am I expected to do?

..and then when you press shuffle on your iPod and when
‘Work it, make it, do it, makes us
Harder, better, faster, stronger ..’ starts off randomly ..
You know someone up there wants you to cheer up too.

If I could, I would travel the world in shorts.

Make that purple shorts.

Summer and I don’t really gel well.
Summer hates me and I can’t stand summer!
If I could murder it, I would have done that long back. And the heat really affects my mood. I go mad, like berserk. Start snapping at people like a maniac and all that.
It’s 49.4 degrees in Jaipur. Omg!
What is wrong with the world!
I rather get dragged by camels there than bear the heat.

Oooh by the way, I’ve started meditating. Not proper meditating but it’s more like just sitting in silence for a while and having a completely blank mind. It’s quite a task for someone like me who always has something or the other going on inside. Does your mind hum? Mine does.
In those few minutes, I don’t give a shit to anything else. They can all wait.
With so much happening these days, I thought my poor lil’ head deserved a break. I know I’m sounding like this 50 year old right now but what to do yah!
Am I turning into some sadhu?
Not the ones in orange robes who go wandering off into the forests of course.
More like the ones who are allowed chicken.
And sex.
Aha!

Zach Braff is so adorable in Scrubs.
I want to adopt him :(

Oh and curly hair, I hate you.
Shooo!

:D

We're 100 now :O
Ohmygod.

Yela yela yela!
A beeeeeeg hug to all of you out there!
Thank you , Ladooooos :)

Get serious already!

I always knew I was defocused. I have always been continuously reminded to get serious and to not lose focus. Focus. I hate that word. I just seem to get bored easily, my fault?
Okay fine, my fault and I’m going to change that this time.
I’m in awe of people who are so hardworking. You know, like those who are so sure of what they want and have the balls to stick to it no matter what and are ready to get rid of anything that stops them from reaching their goal. So fucking determined. OMG. How do they do that?

19 years and I still don’t know how it is to work HARD.. with all your heart and soul. Sounds dreadful. I’ve just been awfully lucky till now but I don’t think I should rely on that for long. And no, I’m not complaining either. You can keep me lucky for life. Really

Okay so that is it.
11th May 2010 resolution: I have to, just have to work my butt off, remain focussed, stop taking things lightly and get down to some serious business. I don’t want to give anyone, even myself, a chance to lecture me later on how I wasted these oh-so-precious years.

Even though I hate the thought of CAT and all those horrible MBA entrance exams, I need to give them a fair chance. I really want to get all omg-i-love-mba and oh-i'm-so-kicked-about-the-entrances! Can't believe I'm saying this but yeah. I think I know what I want.

I shouldnt have told some people about this blog. There are things I wish to scream out but I'm unable to post them here. What the fuck. I can be so silly at times, I tell you -_-
Block some readers? How? Anyone?

'When I get older, I will be stronger,
They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag'
Sexy song.

Picture Post!

It has been AGES since I last wrote and as I don't have much time now, I'm going to quickly post these two pictures I loveddd :)

1997 ..



2010 ..



My best-est cousins :)
The sisters I never had!
Love yeww guys!

Oh btw, the one in black and white eej meee :)
Ciao

It's a quarter after one, I'm a lil' drunk ..and I need you now ..

Baap of Random okay. Ready? Whatever.

(On phone)
Me: Achaa, when is N's birthday?
She: May 5th, I guess. Ya, May 5th.
Me: Shit. Okay. I'll call you in a second

*keeps the phone down and calls N*

N: Hiii
Me: Hi! I am so so sorry! I absolutely forgot! I dont even remember what I was doing on May 5th! Sorrryy! Belated happy birthday anyway! How was it?
N: Ummm S, it's only April. Hahahahhahahaha!
Me: Oh. Yaaaa! No wonder. Sorry. No wait. Why? Shit. I'm such a doufus :S

Me eeej becoming old. Brittle bones, loss of memory, poor vision and all that.
Or maybe some 'vacation sickness' where you totally lose track of date! Doing nothing substantial. I feel like a lazy bummm.
April. Yes, I shall remember.

My cousin was asked how much gold costs in some MBA interview.
What? Why? What makes them think we care?
Plus, I hate gold. Silver's much better :D

'..I can't remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more..'
Don't ask me why I posted the above quote? :P
Aaii.Hawe.No.Clue.

Love it is.

I think I'm in love. Shashi Tharoor. Shashi Tharoor. Shashi Tharoor. That man is all over the place. He is SO incredibly good looking :O
He's 54 but oh-my-god just look at him!

Talking about love.. I wanted to share this with all of you. This was written by Darshan Chande, a fellow blogger.. while we were discussing about ‘love’. Long read but some GOOD stuff, trust me :)

#86 Strength to accept the reality only comes through awareness.

#89 Love is a magic in itself. This magic has nothing to do with the object of love. When you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease.

Read the first thought I quoted above. The awareness here would be the awareness about LOVE. Love is such a profound thing that for centuries people have been trying to understand it and there are hundreds of theories explaining it. But still it's topping the list of psychological pains the mankind suffers.

Now read the second thought I have quoted above.

Love simply is liking beyond limit. When you don't just like something, but like it "very much", you say you "love" it. Love is heightened state of liking. Nothing else. In case of interpersonal love, there are numerous reasons why you may feel love for someone. Note that there's no difference between "love" and "attraction". Few of the reasons for being attracted to someone are beauty, nature, body language, intelligence, sexual pleasure etc. Because of these or any of the countless other reasons you may develop intense liking for some person. Nothing is wrong about it. Liking something is a pleasure. Like watching a flower is a pleasure. Or facing cool breeze on a mountain-top is a pleasurable experience. Love, too, is a pleasurable experience. Very natural characteristics of love are feelings of compassion and care for the person. That naturally comes because, of course, you would not like offending and thereby risk losing someone who gives you that pleasurable experience. It's like when you hold a delicate flower how it naturally occurs to you to hold it with care. That's because of love.

That's love. Love is a pleasurable experience of being in admiration of something or someone. The important thing to understand here is that it's those abstract things (beauty, nature, body language, intelligence, sexual pleasure etc) which are giving you this experience, and the object in concern (the person) is just a medium. You very well know that in life you can fall in love more than once. This very well proves that it's not the object but the abstract qualities carried by the object which inspire love. It's a fallacy of human mind, or rather a weakness, that every time one is in love with someone one believes that this person is the best one could have and that this love is "meant to be" and things like that.

When I say "love is a magic in itself, and this magic has nothing to do with the object of love", what I mean is that all the (magical) pleasure you derive out of love is in the act of loving itself. You love a flower because of its beauty and fragrance. They are not the object (which is the flower) but the abstract things carried by the object. So, you say you love the flower. Then I have said "when you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease." You love the flower. You become obsessed with it. But flower is a mortal thing. Prone to change. After a couple of days it's ugly. Now you grieve over it. No. Don't. Look there in the garden outside there are thousands of flowers spreading their beauty and fragrance. Once you see it you will again fall in love with some other flower. Because it was not the flower but the beauty of it which was captivating. It's the beauty which is eternal and everlasting and not the object.

An aware person would know this fact. Understand why you love. Identify the abstract things because of which your love is. And know that the object is just a medium. Don't be obsessed with the object, because it will not remain. Just like the flower does not remain. If you cling to the object there will be pain. Hence I call this sort of love, obsessive love, a disease.

There's nothing wrong if the flower remains for life. But the awareness of the essence of love is necessary. Almost 99 percent of the people are ignorant. They get committed to the person they love. Then gradually as the flower goes no-more-fragrant the person loses those qualities, but still they cling to each other, only because they have lost the strength to be one their own again. Love is impossible in such a case. Then the only resort to keep from going mad is creating illusions. People then form illusions that love still is. But such love of illusion is not beautiful. Certainly not. Is it?

Here's one more thought I had penned a few days back -

#66 'I like this person beyond limit.' This is love. 'I want us to be committed.' This is absurdity.

Enjoy every aspect of the relationship AS IS. Be in love with love, and be grateful to the object for giving you the opportunity to experience love. If the object remains, good. If not, love still is, all around you. No one can take it. What are you afraid to lose?

His blog:http://www.darshanchande.com/
Worth a look!

Random realisations ..

Be Selfish. Be very selfish. Not self-centered.
There have been times when I've been happy or very happy but never content. Now, it's time to move a step forward.
Don't give free ka gyaan. Some people just don't deserve it.
Regretting is a horrible feeling and when it's related to someone who no longer exists, it becomes 10 times worse.
Imagining to be partying in Alaska when it's actually freaking hot, helps. No really, it does.
All the stuff about loving selflessly is bullshit. They make it look like it takes effort. Infact, it's just the opposite. When you're in love, you do stuff because you want to do them ..because it makes YOU happy more than anyone else.
I can never ever write a poem in my life. Never :P
When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there - Cecil Selig
Being ignorant might help you for sometime but there will come a time when it'll hit you hard in your face. Ignorance is not always bliss.
You don't have to practice 'self control' if you just tell yourself that you don't need someone/something to survive.
Forgiving is tough. Forgive but never forget.
Sometimes, we may want something very badly but might not end up getting it but it's certainly worse for those who arent even aware of what they want.
Thinking about how a relationship or anything rather, will end is the worst way to start it.
Sania Mirza will have A LOT to tell her kids!
Sometimes, tacky songs are all you need to lift your mood up. Haha

Cya Baabloos.
Baabloos sounds disgusting, I know. But there’s this Bengali aunty nearby who can’t stop baabloo-ing kids. So, that’s where baabloo comes from :P

I lowe my rubbish

Oh so while talking to a friend today about getting filthy rich and all that, I randomly made some mental notes to myself which I wish to share because I’m not able to sleep and it’s my blog which allows me to jot down any irrelevant *shit* here.

Okay, so I’m going to marry a struggling actor whose struggling days will end some years after we get married. You’ll say what if he remains a struggling actor all his life and I’ll say he won’t because I’ll inspire him to just get better!
And then after that we’ll have our own Mannat in some sexy beach.
Voila! I’m so settled!
And why a struggling actor? I don’t know. Just struggling okay, so that he can’t look beyond me because he’ll be so struggling-struggling at that time. Get it?
And yes, we’ll have a pet so that my kids would treat the pet like their child which would improve their motherly/fatherly skills so that they turn out to be good parents later in life.

That was my life full of rainbows and butterflies. I know.
And who says I don’t plan ha! :P

British guys are H.A.W.T
Omg! I just love their ‘mow-biles’ and ‘faawthuh’ and ‘styoupid’ and what not! So Hugh Grant-isshh :)

Me: Papa, I blog.
Papa: Oh, what do you blog about?
Me: Like general stuff you know ..
..and thank god he was too busy to ask me WHAT I actually blog about because he seriously would not want to know :|
Even I don't know what I blog about.

What do I blog about? Hmm.
(It’s just a rhetorical question. Do not come up with vague, embarrassing answers. Thank you)

I read what I just wrote and yes, my dad should never reach my blog!
Bye bye.

Can't believe you're gone ..

Death is not losing a loved one, but gaining an angel..
To the fighter you were, Yash.

You were a true fighter, battling your way through life with that smile on your face,
Always wanting to spread joy wherever you went.
You’ll always be etched in our memories.
We miss you, already.
_________________________________________

I lost my friend to cancer yesterday evening. Since then I’ve just been too filled with questions. I know my take on life at this point of time would come across as something very cynical but that’s exactly what I’m feeling now.

Life is nothing but a bloody struggle. All everyone does all their lives is run. You’re running behind something or the other. And what are we running so hopelessly behind? Money! There’s no time to wait and have fun. No, life’s certainly not a party!
The first half of your life is spent studying. One exam gets over, it leads to the other. And then you look for jobs. Some get it, some don’t. If job’s not an issue, marriage is. Your marriage is on the rocks or you're just too busy showing you're happy when you're not. And then you have a kid. The kid has his own set of problems. If nothing else, someone is detected with some horrible disease or some unexpected incident occurs which just turns your life upside down. What the fuck. What’s the point of all this! Everybody dies at the end. Period.
What made living so tough? So tiring?
I mean, every single thing seems so meaningless now. I can jump out of the window right this second and it really wouldn’t matter to me.

I know what you’re thinking and I also know that you have a lot to say but I know all of that. I do. I always thought one’s purpose in life is to grow and staying content is the most important thing. And that the way we perceive the things life throws at us, matters a hell lot. Yes, I know that but now nothing makes sense.

I wish to bounce back soon.
And sorry for the super gloomy post.

I want a pet.

Osho,

I know you’re up there and I know you’re reading this. You know what, I always thought you to be really sensible and I absolutely adore your views about stuff. You have such a unique way of looking at things! People around give me weird looks when they hear I read your books but I always stand up for you.
Ya so, my friend who btw is the only Osho fan I’ve met in my vicinity, and I planned to visit your ashram one weekend but the fucking ticket costs a whooping Rs. 950! Not that I’m seeing you alive, honey! If you were sitting inside then 950 would be nothing but paying 950 just to walk on those lush green lawns and to see people meditating around is such a waste of precious precious money. You don’t want me dying of guilt with every step I take inside your ashram, do you? So, I am not going. You will not see me there and I am mighty miffed. And you’re smiling, sitting up there. You always do.
And btw, how are the Osho chappals related to you? I don’t know how the whole world wears them. They fucking prick me.

Not much Love,
Me.

Those who don’t know who Osho is, no you don’t need to jump off the window. Just go Google if you care. I know you don’t. Who does. Ha! :)

P.S: Ranting about making life simple is so easy but when it comes to your own case, you don’t leave a chance to screw it up. Right? Don’t say you disagree because I’m sure all of us at one point or the other have screwed things up on our own for ourselves. It’s okay, we’re human. Shit happens. Problem is, for how long?

Ya I know the title didnt have any connection with what I wrote but what the hell, I do want a pet.

Sex, Dhoka and a beeeet of Love ;)

These are just random lines concerning relationships today, I heard from my friends or about friends of friends, etc

“Me and him ..we like have a thing yaa. You know?”

“We’re not fuck buddies. We’re just ..umm ..like ..well ..friends with ..friends who ..ya okay ..fuck buddies. But doesn’t that sound too blunt?”

“He was too nice and mushy so I broke up with him.”

He: Our relationship doomed. We’re just not meant to be together. Limiting it to 'just flings' should be fine. What say?
She: But I still love you!
He: Okay, then let it be.

“I’m going to have all the fun now and when the ‘right’ time comes, I’m going to marry the girl my parents choose for me”

She: Oh, you guys are back? I thought she cheated on you?
He: Yeah, but its fine now.
She: Nice. Mr. Forgiving huh
He: I was bored dude

He: You used me.
She: It was a fling. We were supposed to use each other. Remember?
He: But I didn’t use-use you
She: Oh but you know what, I used-used you

“She rejected me. I’m going to start going to the gym. I’ll show her what she missed”

“He was too muscular. It scared me. So I said no.”

She1: I miss him. I hate this moving on phase. It’s takes so much time
She2: Ya I know, memories and all that
She1: Ya ..stuff like he picking me up and dropping me to college and helping me with Math ..and ..
She2: Ya. That too :\

She: Don’t cheat on her. She might just do emotional attyachar on you!
He: Hahahha! No. She’s camera shy!
She: whihdiklewfwpejkldfcwepjdkl;cwe9dpo!

He: Okay, she called. I’m going. Her house is free.
She: Oye, there’s something called ‘mood’
He: Fuck mood. We hardly ever get a proper place!

“He was so perfect ..I can’t move on!”

He: It’s love. I love her so much. She’s the one I’ll marry! I just know it
She: But it’s hardly been a week!
He: So?
She: Okay.

“Our lifestyles didn’t match. He would go partying every night and I would sit at home waiting for him to call or message!”

“I don’t care if we have a future or not. I just want him for NOW”

Is it just me or were relationships way simpler before?
And then parents say “What problems do you have ha!”
Riiight. Sure.

I'm so -_-

'I could die for you.
But I couldn't, and wouldn't, live for you'

That makes me want to chuck all my textbooks away and lay my hands on The Fountainhead asap. Everything else becomes so much more interesting during exams, noh. Plus your head's overflowing with all sorts of things and negative thoughts which just get tend to get glorified with every passing minute and you know you can't sort the mess out because you're supposed to do Maslow's self-actualisation theory and globalisation and privatisation and shit like that.
Laaavly.
And Oh did i say
I'm
loving
my
life
at
present.

With dreams like these, I rather not wake up ..

Some days back, I had this beautiful dream. It felt so damn real and that was the best part of it. The dream was something like I was giving a bath to this little girl who was maybe 3-4 yrs old.

You know sometimes, it just happens that you know who the other person is ..in your dream. So, yah this girl happened to be my daughter. And oh my god, even though it lasted for like 10 minutes or something I could totally feel what I had for her. It’s like my whole world revolved around her and I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life giving her a bath and just being around her and seeing her laugh and giggle. To top it all, she was so ME :)
I could just sense it. I could sense the connection, the love, the affection I had for her. No dream of mine has EVER been so real. Except that of a bald, fat ass with moustache running behind me in some village which I used to get when I was tiny. Oh well, whatever.

It just feels wonderful to get a feel of that ‘unconditional love’ people talk about ..in my dreams, something that’s never happened to me till now but after this I exactly know how it feels(atleast I think I do). I just hope I’m fortunate enough to experience it in real life too :)

P.S: Remember the friend I wrote about ..who’s suffering from cancer. Doctors confirm that his condition is improving day by day and that he has started breathing on his own(he was on ventilator all these days).
Miracles do happen.
And I fucking love God for this.

Honest Scrap

I can go on about myself but lucky you, I've just been asked to post a few ..
Ramit jii, thanks for the tag!

1. I really wish to trade my nose with somebody someday. But people like Koena Mitra really make me feel a lot better.

2. I look like a lost pup when I cross the road. My friends tend to get scared because I look lost and clueless according to them. I know I walk like I rule the road but that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to my surroundings. They say I’ll lose my life someday like this. Thing is, even I feel the same and I still do nothing about it.

3. I absolutely, madly, truly LOVE my mum. I can’t imagine life without her. I just wish I could be even half the mother/daughter/sister/wife she’s been.

4. I desperately want to go to the Osho ashram once. If there was one person I could call back from the graves, it would be him.
Go die if you think it’s funny.

5. I’ve tried drinking and smoking (once) and I hated them both. What am I!

6. I secretly wish I wasn’t that scared of dogs so that I could own one, one day.

7. I have this *thing* for my nails. I’m 19 and I still bite my nails. I know what you’re thinking but really, they’re tasty. My dad says my nails show how confident I am. Well, riiight.

8. I can’t understand why people find Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie sexy. Scarlett’s just too bland and Angelina Jolie’s got HUGE lips. Not good.

9. Insects freak me out. Even if I see a mosquito around, I start getting that itchy, funny feeling. But I find rats really cute. I find them extremely intelligent and quick.

10. In the last 2 years, I’ve done all..that just seeing other people do, made me make extreme judgements about them once upon a time. That explains why I feel it’s best to see the whole story first before making your own assumptions.

Ramit's like tagged half my blogroll so the rest of you, do it if you wish to or do it when you're struck with a terrible terrible writer's block.

P.S: I was reading my friend’s psychology textbook today which spoke about ego, superego and id. It was so relatable. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
Fuck. What I am doing studying economics.
Psycho deserves me more :(

Yes, I still exist.

Okay, so these random questions keep popping In my head from all that’s happening in and around. So just solve them ..will you!

What do you do if you hear real nasty things about this friend of yours (A) from a common friend? Stuff you never imagined A could do. I know I keep talking about not being judgemental and all that but I know somewhere down the line, what she said about A did change my attitude towards him. It keeps coming back to me whenever I speak to him. And I feel so hypocritical.

When I look around, why do I see so many people ‘practicing’ self-control but when I look at myself .. I see no sign of it? How important is self-control? Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me. I feel you should do whatever makes you happy. Suppressing your emotions is just not right, I feel. But now, I’m scared if this ‘reckless’ behaviour of mine will put me in deep shit one day. At the same time I know whatever happens, happens for a GOOD reason so ..so be it. I’m just going to do what I feel like B-)
And then, 40 years down the line when I’m all old and jobless, I shall write in this same blog of mine stating if my decision was a right one! I’m so curious. Haha.
Till then, I think it’s worth the risk ;)

Okay, so I’m sure many of us, at one point or the other have found ourselves regretting not thinking enough before taking certain decisions taken in the past. My question is, how much is enough? :D
Like, when do you know – Yes, I’ve thought enough and now I’m ready to take the decision. Absurd? Yes, I know.
____________________________________________________________
Everyone’s ultra complicated. Some show it, some don’t. I don’t think anyone is ‘simple’. Not at all.

I am out of the loop.
Totally by choice.
Clap for me if you get me :D

Oh and I'm just too caught up with things these days which is why I couldnt read all your new posts. I shall do so asap :)
Laaav!

P.S: I gave the first interview of my life and it was KILLERRR! :)

Fly me to the moooon.

There are days when you feel like shit.
And then there are days when you feel loved..so so loved :)
When you realise that there aren’t enough days because you want to live forever
When you want to spend all the time you have with the ones you love.
When you feel like running away to some other planet and taking them along!
When you are ready to forget all the mess some people got into your life.

Yes, it’s THAT day.
And I’m feeling incredibly lucky to have met some people I have.
And I want them in my next life too.
Like, any how okay.

Some days the whole world seems upside down. And then some how, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

I realized, to change your world ..all you have to do is change the way you feel inside.
How easy can that get ha?

And now, I want to fly.
And dance.

Tata.

P.S: Lady Gaga.Is.A.Crazy.Woman.

WHAT, seriously ..WHAT was she thinking?! :O

When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am

Just as I was staring at myself in the mirror thinking about something, I realised that my patience has increased immensely in these years.
Thanks to a few lovely people.
And ofcourse, a few shitheads too without whom it wouldn’t have been possible :)

Everyone’s getting married.
Wtf.
Even I feel like it.
Just that I don’t have a guy in hand now.
Problem na?

When some people make a come back in your life, is it natural to get tempted and get into the whole thing again? What if you want to but history reminds you that it might not be such a good idea? Requires strength to stand up and say ‘go away'. I’m not sure if I have that in me. Talk about tempting offers -_-

I *think* I’m going through a writer’s block.
Something like, you open the word document to write a new blog post and nothing ..absoulutely nothing strikes you! Your mind's blank! That's all.
YES. That is it.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.

I don't like the number '63'. Make it 64 atleast.

Aiyoo!

Why do we need to know which court Mohinder Singh Pandher was tried in?
Why do we need to know when Sachin won the Arjuna Award?
Why do we need to know which state wont have the state elections?

Why, oh why!
I just can’t get myself to pick Economic Times and start reading that horribly coloured newspaper.
Can’t I be questioned on Bombay Times instead?

Boo :(

The yem bee yae blues begin soon. Shoot me.

Dilsa koi kameena nahi
Koi to rokey, koi to tokey
Iss umar mein ab khaogey dhokhe
Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji

This song is the saxxx!

Enough Please!

Whenever someone goes through tough times, we always tell them “look around. There’s a whole world around you. Look at the beggar on the street, the homeless. Consider yourself lucky and get over it”. Well yes, that’s absolutely true but the last time I heard this, I wondered what they might be telling each other to make it through. Who can they look at and feel 'lucky'?

I have a friend who’s just 17 and was detected with brain cancer 2 years back. The guy’s life hadn’t even started for god’s sake! Whenever you look at him, you just can’t make out that he is going through SUCH an awful time. I know some questions don’t have answers but WHY HIM?!! Did his parents know that their 17 yr old son would have to be going through this one fine day? Did his friends know that he won’t be able to graduate with them? Did HE know that one headache would turn his world upside down?

He was so lively, so full of zest once upon a time and now seeing him sit quietly in one corner and watch TV all day is agonizing. Inspite of all this, he still manages to smile and make you feel that nothing’s changed. Whenever my parents visit him, I avoid going with them. I’m just too scared. I don’t know how to react when I see him. I don’t want to be saying something wrong.

I don’t care if people say cancer is a dangerous disease, I don’t care if people say that a cancer patient doesn’t live long. I just want him to LIVE! He has to get back to normal! Somehow, when you’re old and you’re detected with something like this, it’s still believable but when kids are made to go through such tiring times, it just doesn’t seep in.

His family has seen enough in these 2 years and everytime I look at them, I just think that it’s high time they get their due. It’s like, their patience is being tested and that ‘test’ never seems to end. How long can you go on stretching a string ..there will come a time when it’ll just snap. That’s not done. You cannot test one’s endurance level and play with them like this!

Imagine living like this continuously for 2 years. 2 fucking years! Rushing between doctors and hospitals, juggling with medicines and therapy sessions, getting up every morning and struggling through their days ..
It’s too much.
They don’t deserve this. Nobody does.
On what basis is all this planned anyway? It SUCKS! Sucks so bad to see someone who so badly wants to live, battling for life everyday.
I hope they win this.

‘Whatever happens, happens for the best’ is something I totally believe in but I can’t get myself to understand how such a thing can happen for the best?

Keeping in touch and all that.

“You just can't keep in touch na!”
“Has it ever struck you WHY I don’t? Maybe, I don’t wish to. No ya, I do” *WTF*

I’m not really known for keeping in touch with old friends. Like from a group of 10, I keep in touch with only a few. Those who I choose to keep in touch with basically. It’s been 6 long years since I left the place I stayed in for 10 years. Honestly, I don't like talking to any of them. It's like I don't wish to keep in contact with all those I knew before 2004. Gee. That's sad.

The reason why I feel that way is because I’ve changed so drastically in these 6 years that I feel being around those people doesn’t let me be who I am now. This might be a silly mind block but when I’m around those friends, I find myself to be really restricted and so unlike what I generally am. They somehow remind me of how stupid I was back then and I don’t like that.

So, is it wrong to avoid meeting them every year? Is it wrong to not reply to all their messages? Is it wrong to not go for those reunions? Is it wrong to act like they don’t exist? Blah. I think it is but why should I bother being with people who pull me back to the past. The past I rather forget. No one to blame but whatever.

I think it’s more like when people close to you step out of your life ..they in a way were inhibiting your growth in some way or the other. That's why it is necessary to leave. Makes sense?

Btw, I started having chicken again. When I saw that chicken sandwich lying in front of me, with Mayonnaise oozing out, it was so deliciously mouth watering that I couldn’t resist!
I’m such a BUM.
Someone teach me self-control.
Tee-hee-hee. I need it.

Penelope Cruz is hot noh. If I were a guy, I would have had the *hots* for her -_-

Whats in your heaaaad!

I heard this quote somewhere “If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.”
And that I think that is a sad state to be in. I don’t see the point of holding back your emotions. What are you scared of anyway? You’ve just got one life; you really want to spend it living like a restricted, insecure person?

I usually don’t write movie reviews but this movie I just watched some time back was so pathetic that I had to mention it today. Chance pe Dance. Yes, it was horribly predictable. I was desperate to watch a movie and that’s why we planned on going for this one. Dance my ass! There’s no sign of good dance. After every 5 minutes, you have Shahid saying “1,2,3” and then you have green, red, yellow lights on him and he starts his acrobatics. Shahid, u disappointed me and Genelia ..It’s high time you stop giggling. It’s annoying. Nil chemistry between the two. There was a ‘trying to get intimate’ scene which was the biggest disappointment. Such things weren’t even shown in the 80s. The only good part was Zain Khan. Go google him. 16 yr old cutie. Not bad.

Anyway, the newest update is that I’ve turned into a vegetarian inspite of being a proper, hardcore Bengali (no wait, I would never have rice and fish so not that proper). Dad laughs it off saying that he’s sure I’ll go back to eating chicken in a few days, my mum’s furious as she feels I’m only doing this to lose weight, my brother who just isn’t aware of how important my decision is.. could only come up with a “So?” and my uncle who would keep joking about coming to my house after I get married to eat maach-bhaat is deeply saddened.
I actually came across this article which spoke about vegetarianism. I got so involved that I did a bit more of research and that was enough for me to give up my 19 year old love for chicken. So, no chicken anymore, it’s only ghaas-poos for me now. Aiyoo, this is going to be tough :(

P.S: Listen to Zombie by The Cranberries, people. Superrr song.
'Whats in your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie'

Au Revoir

Have you ever come across a person who is/was an important part of your life and how his/her decisions were strong enough to doubt the way you were as a person? Sometimes, you just don’t understand how some people work. You feel like shaking them hard and making them realise that what they say makes absolutely no sense to you. But whenever you try to do that, not a word comes out. Again, who am I to look down on anyone’s way of thinking? To each, his own. Everybody works so differently and it’s awful when you’ve understood someone all this while but one happening makes you question all that you shared with that person. The time when you need to understand him/her the most, that’s that time it never works.

Just yesterday, you were having the best of times with somebody and today you’re reduced to just pure acquaintances. Sad? It’s tragic. Some changes are so unasked for but everybody says they’re necessary. I can't get myself to agree though. I might not get it now, but one day I will and that’s the only thing I can bank upon.

In a way, the worst way to depart is when it wasn’t any of your faults. You can’t even blame anyone for the present state. I’ve accepted the reality. Give me some more time, It should seep in by then. I’m not quick, I know.

I read this line somewhere.. No matter how hard you try to forget about something or someone, the Universe will conspire to skull fuck you with reminders.
So right. Skull fuck, I like the word.

After all the shit, I havent turned into a depressed soul or anything. I remember being almost devastated when things got screwed up with the ex who wasn’t even half as important. Hell, What am I sitting here wondering about other people surprising me with the way they work..I bloody well surprise myself at times!
But thats an amazing balls-to-you-i've-grown feeling.

Cheating is not always about sex. People can cheat emotionally too. I wonder what hurts more..
No, wait before God gets any more 'ideas' and plans to throw things at me again to make me realise what actually hurts more, I should make it clear that I'm just wondering..I dont need to 'know'. Yeah.

Jasoosi and Me.

“Wow! That was SEXY!!”
“You just said a bad word”
“Huh? Oh okay. Sorry”

That was a snippet of a conversation between my brother and me while watching tv. I assume that the bad word is ‘sexy’. That made me think ..is he really that innocent or am I just dumb? Coz when I was 12, I would NEVER have referred to sexy as a bad word.
Sexy’s like a good word ..a good good word ;)

Lemme see..umm, when I was 12 ..I think I did quite a lot of things a 12 year old would consider bad. And no one knew so is history repeating itself? I hope not. Somehow, it doesn’t feel good being on the receiving end. I love spying by the way. I would love to see the way my brother is when he is with his friends and stuff. My friends have often scolded me for spying on his facebook profile but whatever :P

No but on a serious note, The last thing I would want is to see him get into wrong company. I trust him. I can advice him and I think that’s all I can do. I don’t want to be too pushy. I don’t want to intrude (hell, I would love to!). I know whatever’s meant to happen will happen but that doesn’t stop me from getting scared..

My friend recently got to know that her brother watches porn. I’m wondering how I would react if I EVER got to know such a thing. It gives me the creeps already.

Oh btw, if you guys need help in doing some jasoosi, lemme know. I can be an awesome jasoos!
Better than bindaas’ emotional attyachar team for sure :P
Yes, I have watched a few shows. Ya i know, Shoot me. But you must try it once. Its good fun watching all their my-partner-is-so-loyal bubbles burst. And the host is SO O-M-G! He definitely needs English lessons. “Are you hurted”, is the LAST thing I would want to hear if I see my boyfriend flirting away to glory with some other chick on national television! Hurted, of all the things :|

P.S: Oh, I recently realised..that my brother is taller than me!
Don’t tell me I’ve stopped growing :O
5’5 se mera kya hoga! Nahiiiiiiiii

Hmmmm

I’ve often heard people say that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously and all that. I wonder how it’s done. I want to try it too.
So, how do you NOT take life seriously? Teach me noh. Must be fun.

I want to be so ‘casual’. Casual about everything. Every damn thing. Like, I don’t care who enters my life and who goes. I don’t want to be so bound by emotions. I want to be able to take things lightly. You know, the whole ‘chalta hain’ attitude. Hmm, so that. I don’t want to think TOO much. I want to be so fucking free of all this. And I want to go bungee jumping, N.O.W!

I just felt like pasting some lyrics ..

‘So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go’

‘Honestly, what will become of me?
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
We miss everything daydreaming’

‘I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you’

‘But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...
In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie’

‘My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad’

P.S: I have trouble concentrating when there's TOO much cuteness around. Damn!

Void.

Well, I learnt a very important lesson yesterday and it is that being sweet and always trying to make things easier for the ‘others’ around you gets you nowhere. You have to save your ass first. At the end of the day, it’s just you and your lil’ ass and you certainly don’t want it burnt. (Umm, I don’t think that line made much sense but I liked the sound of it. You get me, i hope)

Secondly, however close you are to a person it’s very important to keep your trap shut at times. There are some things which need NOT be told aloud. At the end, it just works against you and nothing else. And I’m someone who needs to really keep this in mind because when I share a good comfort level with somebody, I tend to speak my heart out. So not cool.

Sunday night was not expected to turn out this way. In one hour, I realised so much about myself. In that one hour, someone planted an atom bomb on my head and I was unprepared. Yes, I did learn but the way I did isn’t really a pleasant memory. But maybe, that’s life. Unless you don’t learn it the hard way, things don’t seep in and change.

Hmm, so I lost a very very close friend (plus something else which I dont know what to call) in somebody. I don’t know how long that will last and how things will be between us from now onwards. It is partly in my hands to just overlook whatever happened but it feels close to impossible.

At the end of the whole thing, more than being hurt, angry, depressed ..I just feel really very dumb. So dumb that it makes me laugh. I think it’s high time I start drawing the line somewhere and wearing an ‘invisible shield’. I’ve seen such people and I swear I envy them. Even though I don’t like the sound of wearing an ‘invisible shield’, I have to try. I’ll atleast be spared of these moments when I feel totally silly.

If the same thing happens to you twice, there’s bound to be some flaw in you right? Reminds of this line I read somewhere: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Aah, so totally meant for me.

I’m a mess right now. I don’t even know how I’m going to implement all that I just wrote about. I’m too cranky and sleep deprived as of now so I’m off to bed.

P.S: I might not be happy with the way things turned out but I’m not miserable or anything. A tad bit angry that’s it. Not at him, at myself.
Highlight of the day, I made muffins and they were yummm :)

Some posts have no titles ..

..coz I cant think of one right now :P

What’s with everyone?! I know its New Years and all that but why does everyone have to waste their money and time messaging ‘Happy New Year’. I mean, I know you wish me a ‘happy-happy’ new year..duh, it’s obvious! Thank you very much but I don’t like to see my cell phone beeping every 2 minutes just to see the same old message again and again from so many people! Sorry, it’s just that I’m so bugged of these forwards that I decided to dedicate half a post to them. I share everything with my blog, you see!

Oh what a start, WHAT a start to this post! Anyway, so college started. It saved me from tearing my hair out. And getting bald for me is like committing suicide..so yeah :)
I was just talking to a friend some minutes before everyone went “yayy! 2010’s hereee” and she accused me of sounding very low and depressed about the coming year. That irritated me further coz I don’t know how I was ‘supposed’ to react if that was one of her ‘oh-so-jumpy’ days and not mine :|
I wasn’t upset..she was just too overjoyed to see anything else!

I’m just being horribly mean these days. I don’t know why!! I don’t want to but why are people behaving so idiotic! Or is it just me? Okay, maybe it’s me but fuck! I can’t help it. I can’t always be tum-khush-toh-main-khush types!
Tum khush? Okay! But, sometimes main nai khush, okay?

And my darling 2010, you better bring some good sexy change alright. I bloody well expect you to be so very dhinchak ;)

P.S: Do I bore you guys with my day-to-day updates?
But I have so much to say ..that I just go on and on you see :D
Be honest. Okay, not SO honest hmm.

Oh, and I swear to never touch Chocolate Fantasy in CCD along with Vodka and Beer because the chocolate fantasy served to me today looked like it was a victim of a tsunami or something and that totally killed my appetite. But I took it so I had to have it and I ended up feeling PHAAT for NO reason. Bleh.