Saturday, January 30, 2010


Why do we need to know which court Mohinder Singh Pandher was tried in?
Why do we need to know when Sachin won the Arjuna Award?
Why do we need to know which state wont have the state elections?

Why, oh why!
I just can’t get myself to pick Economic Times and start reading that horribly coloured newspaper.
Can’t I be questioned on Bombay Times instead?

Boo :(

The yem bee yae blues begin soon. Shoot me.

Dilsa koi kameena nahi
Koi to rokey, koi to tokey
Iss umar mein ab khaogey dhokhe
Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji

This song is the saxxx!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Enough Please!

Whenever someone goes through tough times, we always tell them “look around. There’s a whole world around you. Look at the beggar on the street, the homeless. Consider yourself lucky and get over it”. Well yes, that’s absolutely true but the last time I heard this, I wondered what they might be telling each other to make it through. Who can they look at and feel 'lucky'?

I have a friend who’s just 17 and was detected with brain cancer 2 years back. The guy’s life hadn’t even started for god’s sake! Whenever you look at him, you just can’t make out that he is going through SUCH an awful time. I know some questions don’t have answers but WHY HIM?!! Did his parents know that their 17 yr old son would have to be going through this one fine day? Did his friends know that he won’t be able to graduate with them? Did HE know that one headache would turn his world upside down?

He was so lively, so full of zest once upon a time and now seeing him sit quietly in one corner and watch TV all day is agonizing. Inspite of all this, he still manages to smile and make you feel that nothing’s changed. Whenever my parents visit him, I avoid going with them. I’m just too scared. I don’t know how to react when I see him. I don’t want to be saying something wrong.

I don’t care if people say cancer is a dangerous disease, I don’t care if people say that a cancer patient doesn’t live long. I just want him to LIVE! He has to get back to normal! Somehow, when you’re old and you’re detected with something like this, it’s still believable but when kids are made to go through such tiring times, it just doesn’t seep in.

His family has seen enough in these 2 years and everytime I look at them, I just think that it’s high time they get their due. It’s like, their patience is being tested and that ‘test’ never seems to end. How long can you go on stretching a string ..there will come a time when it’ll just snap. That’s not done. You cannot test one’s endurance level and play with them like this!

Imagine living like this continuously for 2 years. 2 fucking years! Rushing between doctors and hospitals, juggling with medicines and therapy sessions, getting up every morning and struggling through their days ..
It’s too much.
They don’t deserve this. Nobody does.
On what basis is all this planned anyway? It SUCKS! Sucks so bad to see someone who so badly wants to live, battling for life everyday.
I hope they win this.

‘Whatever happens, happens for the best’ is something I totally believe in but I can’t get myself to understand how such a thing can happen for the best?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Keeping in touch and all that.

“You just can't keep in touch na!”
Has it ever struck you WHY I don’t? Maybe, I don’t wish to. No ya, I do” *WTF*

I’m not really known for keeping in touch with old friends. Like from a group of 10, I keep in touch with only a few. Those who I choose to keep in touch with basically. It’s been 6 long years since I left the place I stayed in for 10 years. Honestly, I don't like talking to any of them. It's like I don't wish to keep in contact with all those I knew before 2004. Gee. That's sad.

The reason why I feel that way is because I’ve changed so drastically in these 6 years that I feel being around those people doesn’t let me be who I am now. This might be a silly mind block but when I’m around those friends, I find myself to be really restricted and so unlike what I generally am. They somehow remind me of how stupid I was back then and I don’t like that.

So, is it wrong to avoid meeting them every year? Is it wrong to not reply to all their messages? Is it wrong to not go for those reunions? Is it wrong to act like they don’t exist? Blah. I think it is but why should I bother being with people who pull me back to the past. The past I rather forget. No one to blame but whatever.

I think it’s more like when people close to you step out of your life ..they in a way were inhibiting your growth in some way or the other. That's why it is necessary to leave. Makes sense?

Btw, I started having chicken again. When I saw that chicken sandwich lying in front of me, with Mayonnaise oozing out, it was so deliciously mouth watering that I couldn’t resist!
I’m such a BUM.
Someone teach me self-control.
Tee-hee-hee. I need it.

Penelope Cruz is hot noh. If I were a guy, I would have had the *hots* for her -_-

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Whats in your heaaaad!

I heard this quote somewhere “If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.”
And that I think that is a sad state to be in. I don’t see the point of holding back your emotions. What are you scared of anyway? You’ve just got one life; you really want to spend it living like a restricted, insecure person?

I usually don’t write movie reviews but this movie I just watched some time back was so pathetic that I had to mention it today. Chance pe Dance. Yes, it was horribly predictable. I was desperate to watch a movie and that’s why we planned on going for this one. Dance my ass! There’s no sign of good dance. After every 5 minutes, you have Shahid saying “1,2,3” and then you have green, red, yellow lights on him and he starts his acrobatics. Shahid, u disappointed me and Genelia ..It’s high time you stop giggling. It’s annoying. Nil chemistry between the two. There was a ‘trying to get intimate’ scene which was the biggest disappointment. Such things weren’t even shown in the 80s. The only good part was Zain Khan. Go google him. 16 yr old cutie. Not bad.

Anyway, the newest update is that I’ve turned into a vegetarian inspite of being a proper, hardcore Bengali (no wait, I would never have rice and fish so not that proper). Dad laughs it off saying that he’s sure I’ll go back to eating chicken in a few days, my mum’s furious as she feels I’m only doing this to lose weight, my brother who just isn’t aware of how important my decision is.. could only come up with a “So?” and my uncle who would keep joking about coming to my house after I get married to eat maach-bhaat is deeply saddened.
I actually came across this article which spoke about vegetarianism. I got so involved that I did a bit more of research and that was enough for me to give up my 19 year old love for chicken. So, no chicken anymore, it’s only ghaas-poos for me now. Aiyoo, this is going to be tough :(

P.S: Listen to Zombie by The Cranberries, people. Superrr song.
'Whats in your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie'

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Au Revoir

Have you ever come across a person who is/was an important part of your life and how his/her decisions were strong enough to doubt the way you were as a person? Sometimes, you just don’t understand how some people work. You feel like shaking them hard and making them realise that what they say makes absolutely no sense to you. But whenever you try to do that, not a word comes out. Again, who am I to look down on anyone’s way of thinking? To each, his own. Everybody works so differently and it’s awful when you’ve understood someone all this while but one happening makes you question all that you shared with that person. The time when you need to understand him/her the most, that’s that time it never works.

Just yesterday, you were having the best of times with somebody and today you’re reduced to just pure acquaintances. Sad? It’s tragic. Some changes are so unasked for but everybody says they’re necessary. I can't get myself to agree though. I might not get it now, but one day I will and that’s the only thing I can bank upon.

In a way, the worst way to depart is when it wasn’t any of your faults. You can’t even blame anyone for the present state. I’ve accepted the reality. Give me some more time, It should seep in by then. I’m not quick, I know.

I read this line somewhere.. No matter how hard you try to forget about something or someone, the Universe will conspire to skull fuck you with reminders.
So right. Skull fuck, I like the word.

After all the shit, I havent turned into a depressed soul or anything. I remember being almost devastated when things got screwed up with the ex who wasn’t even half as important. Hell, What am I sitting here wondering about other people surprising me with the way they work..I bloody well surprise myself at times!
But thats an amazing balls-to-you-i've-grown feeling.

Cheating is not always about sex. People can cheat emotionally too. I wonder what hurts more..
No, wait before God gets any more 'ideas' and plans to throw things at me again to make me realise what actually hurts more, I should make it clear that I'm just wondering..I dont need to 'know'. Yeah.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Jasoosi and Me.

“Wow! That was SEXY!!”
“You just said a bad word”
“Huh? Oh okay. Sorry”

That was a snippet of a conversation between my brother and me while watching tv. I assume that the bad word is ‘sexy’. That made me think he really that innocent or am I just dumb? Coz when I was 12, I would NEVER have referred to sexy as a bad word.
Sexy’s like a good word ..a good good word ;)

Lemme see..umm, when I was 12 ..I think I did quite a lot of things a 12 year old would consider bad. And no one knew so is history repeating itself? I hope not. Somehow, it doesn’t feel good being on the receiving end. I love spying by the way. I would love to see the way my brother is when he is with his friends and stuff. My friends have often scolded me for spying on his facebook profile but whatever :P

No but on a serious note, The last thing I would want is to see him get into wrong company. I trust him. I can advice him and I think that’s all I can do. I don’t want to be too pushy. I don’t want to intrude (hell, I would love to!). I know whatever’s meant to happen will happen but that doesn’t stop me from getting scared..

My friend recently got to know that her brother watches porn. I’m wondering how I would react if I EVER got to know such a thing. It gives me the creeps already.

Oh btw, if you guys need help in doing some jasoosi, lemme know. I can be an awesome jasoos!
Better than bindaas’ emotional attyachar team for sure :P
Yes, I have watched a few shows. Ya i know, Shoot me. But you must try it once. Its good fun watching all their my-partner-is-so-loyal bubbles burst. And the host is SO O-M-G! He definitely needs English lessons. “Are you hurted”, is the LAST thing I would want to hear if I see my boyfriend flirting away to glory with some other chick on national television! Hurted, of all the things :|

P.S: Oh, I recently realised..that my brother is taller than me!
Don’t tell me I’ve stopped growing :O
5’5 se mera kya hoga! Nahiiiiiiiii

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I’ve often heard people say that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously and all that. I wonder how it’s done. I want to try it too.
So, how do you NOT take life seriously? Teach me noh. Must be fun.

I want to be so ‘casual’. Casual about everything. Every damn thing. Like, I don’t care who enters my life and who goes. I don’t want to be so bound by emotions. I want to be able to take things lightly. You know, the whole ‘chalta hain’ attitude. Hmm, so that. I don’t want to think TOO much. I want to be so fucking free of all this. And I want to go bungee jumping, N.O.W!

I just felt like pasting some lyrics ..

‘So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go’

‘Honestly, what will become of me?
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
We miss everything daydreaming’

‘I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you’

‘But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...
In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie’

‘My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad’

P.S: I have trouble concentrating when there's TOO much cuteness around. Damn!

Monday, January 4, 2010


Well, I learnt a very important lesson yesterday and it is that being sweet and always trying to make things easier for the ‘others’ around you gets you nowhere. You have to save your ass first. At the end of the day, it’s just you and your lil’ ass and you certainly don’t want it burnt. (Umm, I don’t think that line made much sense but I liked the sound of it. You get me, i hope)

Secondly, however close you are to a person it’s very important to keep your trap shut at times. There are some things which need NOT be told aloud. At the end, it just works against you and nothing else. And I’m someone who needs to really keep this in mind because when I share a good comfort level with somebody, I tend to speak my heart out. So not cool.

Sunday night was not expected to turn out this way. In one hour, I realised so much about myself. In that one hour, someone planted an atom bomb on my head and I was unprepared. Yes, I did learn but the way I did isn’t really a pleasant memory. But maybe, that’s life. Unless you don’t learn it the hard way, things don’t seep in and change.

Hmm, so I lost a very very close friend (plus something else which I dont know what to call) in somebody. I don’t know how long that will last and how things will be between us from now onwards. It is partly in my hands to just overlook whatever happened but it feels close to impossible.

At the end of the whole thing, more than being hurt, angry, depressed ..I just feel really very dumb. So dumb that it makes me laugh. I think it’s high time I start drawing the line somewhere and wearing an ‘invisible shield’. I’ve seen such people and I swear I envy them. Even though I don’t like the sound of wearing an ‘invisible shield’, I have to try. I’ll atleast be spared of these moments when I feel totally silly.

If the same thing happens to you twice, there’s bound to be some flaw in you right? Reminds of this line I read somewhere: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Aah, so totally meant for me.

I’m a mess right now. I don’t even know how I’m going to implement all that I just wrote about. I’m too cranky and sleep deprived as of now so I’m off to bed.

P.S: I might not be happy with the way things turned out but I’m not miserable or anything. A tad bit angry that’s it. Not at him, at myself.
Highlight of the day, I made muffins and they were yummm :)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Some posts have no titles ..

..coz I cant think of one right now :P

What’s with everyone?! I know its New Years and all that but why does everyone have to waste their money and time messaging ‘Happy New Year’. I mean, I know you wish me a ‘happy-happy’ new year..duh, it’s obvious! Thank you very much but I don’t like to see my cell phone beeping every 2 minutes just to see the same old message again and again from so many people! Sorry, it’s just that I’m so bugged of these forwards that I decided to dedicate half a post to them. I share everything with my blog, you see!

Oh what a start, WHAT a start to this post! Anyway, so college started. It saved me from tearing my hair out. And getting bald for me is like committing yeah :)
I was just talking to a friend some minutes before everyone went “yayy! 2010’s hereee” and she accused me of sounding very low and depressed about the coming year. That irritated me further coz I don’t know how I was ‘supposed’ to react if that was one of her ‘oh-so-jumpy’ days and not mine :|
I wasn’t upset..she was just too overjoyed to see anything else!

I’m just being horribly mean these days. I don’t know why!! I don’t want to but why are people behaving so idiotic! Or is it just me? Okay, maybe it’s me but fuck! I can’t help it. I can’t always be tum-khush-toh-main-khush types!
Tum khush? Okay! But, sometimes main nai khush, okay?

And my darling 2010, you better bring some good sexy change alright. I bloody well expect you to be so very dhinchak ;)

P.S: Do I bore you guys with my day-to-day updates?
But I have so much to say ..that I just go on and on you see :D
Be honest. Okay, not SO honest hmm.

Oh, and I swear to never touch Chocolate Fantasy in CCD along with Vodka and Beer because the chocolate fantasy served to me today looked like it was a victim of a tsunami or something and that totally killed my appetite. But I took it so I had to have it and I ended up feeling PHAAT for NO reason. Bleh.
All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle ♥