Monday, November 30, 2009

Once upon a time..

..there were two girls. Lets name them Meghna and Sia. They were the best of friends. Even though they were four in a group, these two were inseparable. They loved each other dearly and didn’t hide a thing from each other. They would have code names for their crushes, those sleepovers, prank calls ..these 13 year olds were having the time of their lives!

Meghna’s looks could not be left unobserved. She was a really pretty girl. The perfect eyes, the perfect nose, everything was just so perfect! Wherever she went people had to comment on her good looks. Even though she was used to it, she didn’t let that go to her head. She remained her sweet, loving self.

Days went by..she had guys coming and confessing their 'love'for her. Valentines Day would bring with it a whole bunch of flowers and chocolates for her and only her. Sia being her closest friend witnessed all this quietly. She was ofcourse very happy for Meghna but just one day while thinking to herself, she realised that she was a ‘nobody’. Whenever she was with Meghna, she became invisible. No one would even notice her presence. There were people who came and spoke to her only about her best friend. She took all this and slowly and unconsciously started making judgements about herself. She started believing in the fact that she was ugly, useless and not even close to Meghna who she considered to be very lucky. Even though they were best friends, this was one dark secret she never wished to share. Inspite of all this, She didn’t let it affect their friendship. The bond just strengthened.

Finally, the day came when Sia had to leave that school, that city, that country for good. It was a horrible day for both of them. Sia cried buckets. She hated God for this. Going and adjusting to a whole new place sent shivers down her spine. But she had no choice. The surroundings, people, situations had changed but Sia’s perception about herself remained unaltered. Infact, it grew. She wasn’t a loner but she hated her life, the decisions she made..She hated everything related to her. She disliked the way she looked and thought herself to be plain ugly. When she would hear about some guys having a crush on her, she would wonder how one could like HER. She would always tell her friends, “If I was a guy, I would never ever like ME”. Nothing and no one could make her believe that she was not as bad as she thought herself to be.

And that girl, WAS me :)

Yes, this is my story. Things said and done, it’s been 3 years since I’ve changed. So many things happened in these years that made me rethink and change the way I feel about myself and life in general. Now, I’m not even close to being what I used to be. I can say that I LOVE what I see in the mirror everyday ;)
I never hated that gorgeous looking friend of mine. I still don’t. She’s an amazing person and made me realise a very important thing about myself. The funny part is, another VERY good friend of mine is greatly responsible for helping me carrying out that massive change. Love you both.

For all u people out there who don’t like themselves, do come out of it. Believe me, it’s a terrible way to live. Everyone’s unique, everyone’s beautiful in their own way and there’s absolutely no need to compare yourself to others. Make the utmost of the life bestowed upon you.
Sometimes I wonder what state I would have been in ..if those 3 years hadnt happened. I don’t think I would have survived this much. No one can.. with SUCH a pessimistic take on life.

P.S: And don’t you dare laugh at the lameness of the title..
‘Once upon a time’ is used for fairytales and this is ONE of my fairytales too :)
Just without a guy but who says u need a guy in every fairytale huh!

Main apni favourite hoon. Period. :D

Friday, November 27, 2009


I had my 1st paper today. I was listening to music like an idiot in the train and you know at times when some song just remains in your head. Like it keeps playing in your mind. Whatever u do, it keeps coming back to you throughout the day ..
Yes, that had to happen today when I had a bloody 2 hour paper to write. ARGH.

And the song was none other than Akon’s Right Now (Akon, I hate u.)
So, there was this huge mess brewing in my head while writing..
Something like ..
Communal riots are the manifestation of communal tension
I wanna make up right now na na
The victims or participants are not necessarily the instigat..
wish we never broke up right now na na
igators. The people usually belong to the urban poor and..
we need to link up right now na na

oh, WTF. And I gave the whole paper like that :|

I saw this group on facebook which read ‘I daydream randomly and then realise I’m staring at someone by mistake’
LMAO. Story of my life. Love you, facebook ;)

Save me. I no want to study :(

Monday, November 23, 2009

Chiggy Wiggy

I missed you, my dear little BLOG! I missed u so maaach :(
Last week was super hectic.. I was awfully busy. I didn’t come online, didn’t watch tv, no reading nothing ..thats HOW busy I was! But I loved it. I was caught up with my college fest and now its over ..and I miss it like crazy already. I still feel I have to get up at 5 tomorrow morning and rush to college and see it all beautifully decorated and filled with people and banners

Why do crows shit only on my head? I know my hair’s like awesome and it smells great but cmon ya! :P
Those dirty, black, irritating creatures need to get a life! All they do is eat and shit around. Ugh. Useless beings.
I lost my cell, almost. And those 30 mins were the worst part of this week. I felt so handicapped without it. Like, there’s no reason to live anymore! My contacts, messages, pictures, videos ..i would have lost them ALL! Some asshole flicked it, switched it off and kept it somewhere in college while I was washing the shit off my hair. Thanks to the crows, again :\
I saw something which solved my problems concerning this friend of mine. There are some people who live at the cost of making fun of others. They kinda rob u off your energy by saying and doing stuff making you feel really negative about yourself and there u go, that’s what gets them all charged up. Hmm, so I have this friend who exactly fits in this category and whenever I would talk to her ..she would leave me feeling really bad about myself and my life. Well, she has this 'awesome' effect on everyone. But now no more baby! I realised, there’s a certain way of talking to such people. You cant let them steal your energy and get away with it! You just cant! I finally hit the nail on the head and this time when I met her ..wahahhaa ..i wasn’t affected one bit! And im glad. Bring it on ;)
I’m feeling very proud of myself today. No, not in the negative boastful way but just In the sense that I feel satisfied to see my growth In all these years and I just wish that it continues and doesn’t get stagnant. There's a lot to learn and implement.
I Met some really genuinely sweet people recently. They just made me wonder how one could be that big-hearted. Yes, I met some bitches too but, that’s normal noh.
Being happy without any damn reason makes you even happier :P
I have never seen SO much cuteness together as much as I saw last week. Gosh, seriously! Cuteness, hotness..Whatever you want to call it! Where were all these people all this time maaaan!! I feel, they should be distributed well :P
Its not done otherwise! Dont you think? ;)
Whenever I see my 5 year old cousin, I feel like having a kid. He’s just so cute..Makes me want to raise a child up too. Guess that has to wait!
If someone asks me to go and stay at Crossword for a year, I really wouldn’t mind! I can make that place my home and stay with those books! I can live on those pastries and sandwiches they offer in the coffee shop inside. Just me, my books ..and those pastries :)
I’ve fallen in love with Bryan Adams all over again! I want someone to sing his songs to me now now!!
I saw my ex’s twin. Some random guy who looks exactly like my ex. I saw him sitting backstage and he looked so similar to him. Just before I could hide behind those curtains, that guy turned and *phew* came out to be someone else!

Okie, that was quite an update huh! Im tired. I shall go and get some sleep now.
Tell me u missed me too ;)

P.S: why is this post called chiggy wiggy?
Aive hi! ‘I wana chiggy wiggy with u boy’ ;)

btw, im so happy to see the kind of response my previous post got. Its great to see so many different takes on attachment and all that. Thanks :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009


The question is how to preserve the devotion and faithfulness of a relationship without giving in to neediness and attachment. What is required is a state called nonattachment. The word sounds like a synonym for detachment, implying indifference, but nonattachment is actually a state of freedom that preserves and even increases your love for another. Detachment is achieved by not caring, nonattachment is achieved by allowing, which shows tremendous care. Therefore, the insights that apply to nonattachment carry us deeper into the spiritual importance of letting go.

I read this in some book. I read it like 5 times. I still don’t get how the right way to be in a relationship is to be in a state of 'nonattachment'. Maybe, there’s something important I’m missing out here.
What do you guys think?
Attachment? Detachment? Nonattachment?

From what I see, I can say that I can’t help getting attached.
And it’s just not fun.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Main aur meri tanhaayi ..

I was just wondering ..
If I had invested even half of my mind, energy and time into thinking about my studies and doing some career planning instead of thinking about EVERYTHING else, I would have had scored way better earlier (its not too late, but still ..)

Guess, its all about priorities ..but what do u do when u know what your priorities are but (at times) u wished they were different ..
I don’t know what we’re supposed to do in such a state, but u sure turn out to look like this ..

HANGING. Yes, what a lovely state that is :|

P.S: Its great fun to watch my Bengali and Marathi maid talk to each other in their own respective languages :P

Thursday, November 5, 2009

You cant make it feel right, when you know its wrong

How long can u hold on to something? There are times when you know things are not going right and a part of you tells you to let go and move on and then when you’re all prepared to do so hear these voices inside your head telling you to stick with it and put up with the process. You opt for the easier way out ..and u agree. In a way, you test yourself ..”things might get fine, just some more days” tell yourself. Day in and out, you come up with stuff to console yourself and make yourself believe that everything will be back to normal. Patience, that’s all you need.
Sadly, that’s not all ..Its a massive thing..this P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.

So yeah, how long do you put up with this? The breaking point is bound to occur one day or the other..When u just can’t take it anymore. You’ve tested your patience enough. At the end, whats happened? Situations are the same, nothing’s changed, its just you who’s more screwed up than ever.

This is the time, to get up..dust yourself and just let go. That one moment which makes u realise that you’ve been tightly holding on to something which was just not yours and maybe isn’t meant to be. A difficult phase but the time when you realise that the breaking point has arrived gives you a weird kind of happiness. You feel liberated. All these days, you were caged by your own thoughts..Now you’re free.

The concluding factor of this whole ‘mess’ is change. It sucks. Atleast, I completely detest it. That’s why, I always prefer sticking to something more ‘comforting’..Something that is more familiar to me ..only to realise its better to move on and let things be ..because im no one to change the way a person feels.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Girl: what did u mean when u said that?
Boy: I don’t know …
G: like, what were u thinking? Were u serious?
B: I don’t know ..i guess
G: okay, what are u confused about? Tell me all
B: umm, its weird ..i don’t know ..

G wants to slap the shit out of him and push him into a well and never see his fucking face again ..but then all she manages to say is “okay”

How do guys never know anything? Hows it possible? If u don’t know, then who will! Do u expect me to read ur mind or something? Are u a 5 year old kid who’s having trouble deciding which toy he wants to buy! Wake up! We’re talking SERIOUS stuff out here dammit! I dont know how u do this 'i dont know' thing.

This I-Don’t-Know problem is so often seen among guys! U can never have a proper discussion with the overflow of ‘I don’t knows’ ..It just kills the mood. How much do u want the other person to extract stuff out of u? And then u ask ..why I am getting so serious! Serious?! Yes, its obviously not serious for u..Coz I’m the mindfucked one out here! Im the one who has to assume stuff and analyse what your different I-don’t-knows ‘might’ mean! ARGGHH!

You OUGHT to know honey! You OUGHT to! The best way to avoid I-don’t-knows is to communicate. Just tell her all that you’re confused about. You’ll spare her the torture and those mind boggling sessions she’ll have because of YOU! Makes life so much more easier..doesn’t it?

Calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sigh. I so wish some kabootar could take this post and show it to the person who made me write it :(
Yes, I had to vent it out and now im done. Im out.
All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle ♥