Monday, January 4, 2010

Void.

Well, I learnt a very important lesson yesterday and it is that being sweet and always trying to make things easier for the ‘others’ around you gets you nowhere. You have to save your ass first. At the end of the day, it’s just you and your lil’ ass and you certainly don’t want it burnt. (Umm, I don’t think that line made much sense but I liked the sound of it. You get me, i hope)

Secondly, however close you are to a person it’s very important to keep your trap shut at times. There are some things which need NOT be told aloud. At the end, it just works against you and nothing else. And I’m someone who needs to really keep this in mind because when I share a good comfort level with somebody, I tend to speak my heart out. So not cool.

Sunday night was not expected to turn out this way. In one hour, I realised so much about myself. In that one hour, someone planted an atom bomb on my head and I was unprepared. Yes, I did learn but the way I did isn’t really a pleasant memory. But maybe, that’s life. Unless you don’t learn it the hard way, things don’t seep in and change.

Hmm, so I lost a very very close friend (plus something else which I dont know what to call) in somebody. I don’t know how long that will last and how things will be between us from now onwards. It is partly in my hands to just overlook whatever happened but it feels close to impossible.

At the end of the whole thing, more than being hurt, angry, depressed ..I just feel really very dumb. So dumb that it makes me laugh. I think it’s high time I start drawing the line somewhere and wearing an ‘invisible shield’. I’ve seen such people and I swear I envy them. Even though I don’t like the sound of wearing an ‘invisible shield’, I have to try. I’ll atleast be spared of these moments when I feel totally silly.

If the same thing happens to you twice, there’s bound to be some flaw in you right? Reminds of this line I read somewhere: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Aah, so totally meant for me.

I’m a mess right now. I don’t even know how I’m going to implement all that I just wrote about. I’m too cranky and sleep deprived as of now so I’m off to bed.

P.S: I might not be happy with the way things turned out but I’m not miserable or anything. A tad bit angry that’s it. Not at him, at myself.
Highlight of the day, I made muffins and they were yummm :)

24 comments:

Oxymoron said...

hey...first time at your blog and definitely not the finest time.....but i guess we all have our share of bad experiences....helping someone at your own peril though might sound very heroic is not such a great idea after all :(...but as long as you can make those yummy muffins i dont think you have much to worry about.... :)

Yemiledu said...

Worry not! Things will be fine soon!Life keeps teaching you the same lessons again and again until you have learned. Trust me,once you get through it....you will realize everything happened for good.

A girl who went through the same situations once upon a time, as you is saying this.
:)

All you gotta do is believe yourself and love yourself first! :)
I will visit you in your dreams if you can share some muffins?

lol
GN,TC!

SiD said...

huh

Damm u realized that now??? I prefer people calling me rude rather than me adjusting for them...:P Chill in life...no adjustments...

did your muffins taste good or look good???

The Idiot Blogs said...

1) I understood what you wanted to say in the first paragraph - you have a lil’ ass. And someone is trying to burn it and make it extinct.

2) I understood what you wanted to say in the rest of the post. At least I think I understood - That friends who cant handle the 'real' me and my 'real' opinions are not my 'real' friends. But I still love them so it hurts...

But chin up girl... and If you are anything like the girl who writes this blog... you have a lovely core... and I am sure you have a few true friends...

Have a brilliant orange hued 2010 mate...

Ramit said...

That line actually makes perfect sense! The only thing is that my ass isn't so 'lil' anymore!

Irrelevant.

If your friend and 'confidante' matters to you so much, why don't you call him and tell him all this? It doesn't hurt to try win good friends back. After all, there are only so many of them.

oRange* said...

@Oxymoron: yeah, not always like guess. hehe, keep visiting!

@Yemiledu: yap, thats exactly whats got me going. i know its for the best. thanks

@Sid: both :D

@The Idiot Blogs: well, more of the fact that i just get too attached to people and that pricks later. thus, the shield. that was sweet, thanks.

@Ramit: lol, if calling and 'winning' him back was so simple i wouldnt be feeling this way. we havent stopped talking or something. no one is to be blamed for this too. its just that i CANNOT look at him in the way i used to before and that hurts. so instead of changing people, im going to change myself.

Disguise said...

Stop worrying really. In life, people come and go. I'm going through a similar situation right now, and I've realized that the more you try to fix a situation, the more complicated it gets. So just let things be for a while, cause...maybe that's how things are supposed to be.

Ria said...

hmm..somebody is wisening up with the passage of time. :) good to c u maturing and learning the quintessential lessons of life. And muffins sound good!! :P

Ramit said...

Why can't you look at him the same way?

Need new glasses?

Rishi said...

firstly.. good that you learnt something... that's always good for the future..

but u only said ur a mess right now... so doesn't that inv shield idea kinda a messy one... it wont help you for sure... if ur still apprehensive, may be a partial shield...

*Shreya* said...

The invisible shield works wonders :)
Ask me....its been a boon to me :)

sulagna said...

ohhh the turtle trick of getting under your shell..tried and tested and voted as good

Happy New Year babe..sorry been out of touch for loooongggg

but wishing you tonness of craziness and fun this year
Loads of love

Su

LITTLE ON THE EDGE said...

hey chill....give it time.....i sure do get head aches when i think a lot....

The Me. said...

Totally relate-able. I recently felt exactly the same way. You learn the toughest lessons the hardest way. =\
Hang on. =] It gets better.

Lena said...

Things eventually get better. We learn life's lessons in a hard way, maybe it is necessary, don't know. But what I know is that things do get better. After all whatever happens happens for a reason :)

Take care.

Raj said...

At the end of the day, it’s just you and your lil’ ass and you certainly don’t want it burnt.

i loved that line.

why is evry1 losing frnds?
dammit winter makes us cold.

blunt edges said...

how prolific are u!

muffins ha? ***slurp***

buckingfastard said...

anoder homo sapien realized da advantages of being selfish....wats da fuss..we all grow up sumtime or oder :)

and u always hav ur muffins to fall back on huh!!

buckingfastard said...

anoder homo sapien realized da advantages of being selfish....wats da fuss..we all grow up sumtime or oder :)

and u always hav ur muffins to fall back on huh!!

sulagna said...

acha listen listen..i am gonna give you reason to cheer up about..m gonna be in mumbai on the 19th n 20th..lets meet up???wat say???

The Crystal Heart said...

Soooooo Sad....Now Soooooo SAD ...Orange Will Try To Change her Behaviour....Can Orange Forget Me...?...Now Orange Change In Wch Fruits? Lolz

Sundeep said...

These things happen to a lot of people. Bottom line learn from it...

nil said...

Hey..I sorta know what you feel,you know what the funny part is? I lost a friend on last Sunday,too. Creepy,I know. We might not be in the same situation,but similar anyway.
So I have no idea what to tell you,cause I don't know myself. If I loose this friend,truly,then I know it's a huge loss.
If I don't,I'll just be grateful to something that held things together for me.
So I hope the best happens to you,I really do.
Take care:)
Sister love!

oRange* said...

@Disguise: yes, i have left things the way they are ..more because i cant really do much about it.

@Ria: yah, thats the ONLY good part about it.

@Ramit: i wish it was as simple as that ;)

@Rishi: i dont know if it'll work. i dont even know if i can pull it off. im just going to try coz im tired of being this way.

@Shreya: that sounds good!

@Sulagna: woww! thats lovely! i would love to meet up! lets lets lets!

@little on the edge: :)

@The Me: true! thanks, i hope it does.

@Lena: right :)

@Raj: no, winter's not to blame for this. i love winter -_-

@blunt edges: huh? what made u say im prolific after reading about the saddest update of my life :|

@buckingfastard: whats the fuss u ask? omg! i dont need such unnecessary events to occur in my life. seriously. thats the fuss.

@Sundeep: yeah.

@nil: shit. last sunday SUCKED in that case! i wish the same for u love. take care!

All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle ♥