Can't believe you're gone ..

Death is not losing a loved one, but gaining an angel..
To the fighter you were, Yash.

You were a true fighter, battling your way through life with that smile on your face,
Always wanting to spread joy wherever you went.
You’ll always be etched in our memories.
We miss you, already.
_________________________________________

I lost my friend to cancer yesterday evening. Since then I’ve just been too filled with questions. I know my take on life at this point of time would come across as something very cynical but that’s exactly what I’m feeling now.

Life is nothing but a bloody struggle. All everyone does all their lives is run. You’re running behind something or the other. And what are we running so hopelessly behind? Money! There’s no time to wait and have fun. No, life’s certainly not a party!
The first half of your life is spent studying. One exam gets over, it leads to the other. And then you look for jobs. Some get it, some don’t. If job’s not an issue, marriage is. Your marriage is on the rocks or you're just too busy showing you're happy when you're not. And then you have a kid. The kid has his own set of problems. If nothing else, someone is detected with some horrible disease or some unexpected incident occurs which just turns your life upside down. What the fuck. What’s the point of all this! Everybody dies at the end. Period.
What made living so tough? So tiring?
I mean, every single thing seems so meaningless now. I can jump out of the window right this second and it really wouldn’t matter to me.

I know what you’re thinking and I also know that you have a lot to say but I know all of that. I do. I always thought one’s purpose in life is to grow and staying content is the most important thing. And that the way we perceive the things life throws at us, matters a hell lot. Yes, I know that but now nothing makes sense.

I wish to bounce back soon.
And sorry for the super gloomy post.

I want a pet.

Osho,

I know you’re up there and I know you’re reading this. You know what, I always thought you to be really sensible and I absolutely adore your views about stuff. You have such a unique way of looking at things! People around give me weird looks when they hear I read your books but I always stand up for you.
Ya so, my friend who btw is the only Osho fan I’ve met in my vicinity, and I planned to visit your ashram one weekend but the fucking ticket costs a whooping Rs. 950! Not that I’m seeing you alive, honey! If you were sitting inside then 950 would be nothing but paying 950 just to walk on those lush green lawns and to see people meditating around is such a waste of precious precious money. You don’t want me dying of guilt with every step I take inside your ashram, do you? So, I am not going. You will not see me there and I am mighty miffed. And you’re smiling, sitting up there. You always do.
And btw, how are the Osho chappals related to you? I don’t know how the whole world wears them. They fucking prick me.

Not much Love,
Me.

Those who don’t know who Osho is, no you don’t need to jump off the window. Just go Google if you care. I know you don’t. Who does. Ha! :)

P.S: Ranting about making life simple is so easy but when it comes to your own case, you don’t leave a chance to screw it up. Right? Don’t say you disagree because I’m sure all of us at one point or the other have screwed things up on our own for ourselves. It’s okay, we’re human. Shit happens. Problem is, for how long?

Ya I know the title didnt have any connection with what I wrote but what the hell, I do want a pet.

Sex, Dhoka and a beeeet of Love ;)

These are just random lines concerning relationships today, I heard from my friends or about friends of friends, etc

“Me and him ..we like have a thing yaa. You know?”

“We’re not fuck buddies. We’re just ..umm ..like ..well ..friends with ..friends who ..ya okay ..fuck buddies. But doesn’t that sound too blunt?”

“He was too nice and mushy so I broke up with him.”

He: Our relationship doomed. We’re just not meant to be together. Limiting it to 'just flings' should be fine. What say?
She: But I still love you!
He: Okay, then let it be.

“I’m going to have all the fun now and when the ‘right’ time comes, I’m going to marry the girl my parents choose for me”

She: Oh, you guys are back? I thought she cheated on you?
He: Yeah, but its fine now.
She: Nice. Mr. Forgiving huh
He: I was bored dude

He: You used me.
She: It was a fling. We were supposed to use each other. Remember?
He: But I didn’t use-use you
She: Oh but you know what, I used-used you

“She rejected me. I’m going to start going to the gym. I’ll show her what she missed”

“He was too muscular. It scared me. So I said no.”

She1: I miss him. I hate this moving on phase. It’s takes so much time
She2: Ya I know, memories and all that
She1: Ya ..stuff like he picking me up and dropping me to college and helping me with Math ..and ..
She2: Ya. That too :\

She: Don’t cheat on her. She might just do emotional attyachar on you!
He: Hahahha! No. She’s camera shy!
She: whihdiklewfwpejkldfcwepjdkl;cwe9dpo!

He: Okay, she called. I’m going. Her house is free.
She: Oye, there’s something called ‘mood’
He: Fuck mood. We hardly ever get a proper place!

“He was so perfect ..I can’t move on!”

He: It’s love. I love her so much. She’s the one I’ll marry! I just know it
She: But it’s hardly been a week!
He: So?
She: Okay.

“Our lifestyles didn’t match. He would go partying every night and I would sit at home waiting for him to call or message!”

“I don’t care if we have a future or not. I just want him for NOW”

Is it just me or were relationships way simpler before?
And then parents say “What problems do you have ha!”
Riiight. Sure.

I'm so -_-

'I could die for you.
But I couldn't, and wouldn't, live for you'

That makes me want to chuck all my textbooks away and lay my hands on The Fountainhead asap. Everything else becomes so much more interesting during exams, noh. Plus your head's overflowing with all sorts of things and negative thoughts which just get tend to get glorified with every passing minute and you know you can't sort the mess out because you're supposed to do Maslow's self-actualisation theory and globalisation and privatisation and shit like that.
Laaavly.
And Oh did i say
I'm
loving
my
life
at
present.

With dreams like these, I rather not wake up ..

Some days back, I had this beautiful dream. It felt so damn real and that was the best part of it. The dream was something like I was giving a bath to this little girl who was maybe 3-4 yrs old.

You know sometimes, it just happens that you know who the other person is ..in your dream. So, yah this girl happened to be my daughter. And oh my god, even though it lasted for like 10 minutes or something I could totally feel what I had for her. It’s like my whole world revolved around her and I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life giving her a bath and just being around her and seeing her laugh and giggle. To top it all, she was so ME :)
I could just sense it. I could sense the connection, the love, the affection I had for her. No dream of mine has EVER been so real. Except that of a bald, fat ass with moustache running behind me in some village which I used to get when I was tiny. Oh well, whatever.

It just feels wonderful to get a feel of that ‘unconditional love’ people talk about ..in my dreams, something that’s never happened to me till now but after this I exactly know how it feels(atleast I think I do). I just hope I’m fortunate enough to experience it in real life too :)

P.S: Remember the friend I wrote about ..who’s suffering from cancer. Doctors confirm that his condition is improving day by day and that he has started breathing on his own(he was on ventilator all these days).
Miracles do happen.
And I fucking love God for this.

Honest Scrap

I can go on about myself but lucky you, I've just been asked to post a few ..
Ramit jii, thanks for the tag!

1. I really wish to trade my nose with somebody someday. But people like Koena Mitra really make me feel a lot better.

2. I look like a lost pup when I cross the road. My friends tend to get scared because I look lost and clueless according to them. I know I walk like I rule the road but that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to my surroundings. They say I’ll lose my life someday like this. Thing is, even I feel the same and I still do nothing about it.

3. I absolutely, madly, truly LOVE my mum. I can’t imagine life without her. I just wish I could be even half the mother/daughter/sister/wife she’s been.

4. I desperately want to go to the Osho ashram once. If there was one person I could call back from the graves, it would be him.
Go die if you think it’s funny.

5. I’ve tried drinking and smoking (once) and I hated them both. What am I!

6. I secretly wish I wasn’t that scared of dogs so that I could own one, one day.

7. I have this *thing* for my nails. I’m 19 and I still bite my nails. I know what you’re thinking but really, they’re tasty. My dad says my nails show how confident I am. Well, riiight.

8. I can’t understand why people find Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie sexy. Scarlett’s just too bland and Angelina Jolie’s got HUGE lips. Not good.

9. Insects freak me out. Even if I see a mosquito around, I start getting that itchy, funny feeling. But I find rats really cute. I find them extremely intelligent and quick.

10. In the last 2 years, I’ve done all..that just seeing other people do, made me make extreme judgements about them once upon a time. That explains why I feel it’s best to see the whole story first before making your own assumptions.

Ramit's like tagged half my blogroll so the rest of you, do it if you wish to or do it when you're struck with a terrible terrible writer's block.

P.S: I was reading my friend’s psychology textbook today which spoke about ego, superego and id. It was so relatable. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
Fuck. What I am doing studying economics.
Psycho deserves me more :(