Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Expecting- my favourite hobby!

Now tell me, if u’r close to someone how the fuck do u NOT get attached? I mean, seriously! Isn’t that human nature or am I the only idiot who seems to get attached to every passer by (ok not any passer by, but yeah u get me right?)!

U get attached and then u have a bundle of expectations from that person and when that person doesn’t act accordingly..*booom*! There goes ur mood..ur entire day(sometimes week) is destroyed! And what’s frustrating is that I very conveniently allow someone to do that!

Im trying to not expect but HELL, its difficult! Its shit difficult. It drives me nuts. I hate expecting. I hate it but I can’t help it!
Im in the process but why is it taking ages!

Moreover, what’s worse is when the person u’r 'expecting' things from is a complete opposite. Like completely. He does not even know what expectations mean ..THAT different! U feel like a complete dumbass then! Now, if he does not get attached to anyone (I don’t know how, but whatever..) that’s not my problem!

So, is that the way to go about it? Not get attached to anyone in the first place? But isn’t that sad? Or is that the key to be freed from such mood spoilers?

If anyone knows how to handle this, please enlighten me! Im highly pissed.
At myself
At him
At everybody!



Americanising Desi said...


when you are close to someone THEY find it not attached. yes I get the picture you sketched. It is intriguing though. the male psyche. hits me hard all the time and i mleft wondering how and why and when ... but guess what when i distanced myself from him and went abroad for a bit, and on my return texted him, he replied, I didnt know I was so close to you, I missed you.

and then there was a second confirmation, "I think I am too attached with you"... so I had two confessions whereby I know that THAT MAN was both close and attached!

so you are in the blah mood lately :(

Darshan Chande said...

Hm, there you are. Going through the commonest of pains of the humankind. And, perhaps, the worst. First of all let me tell you what might get you some ease: This is the pain that every sane human being goes through in his/her life. Not a single one is spared. Not even by exception.

There is sure a way around it. But as you yourself know, it is not easy. That's why you said above "isn’t that sad? " Yes, in a sense it is. But when you understand it in a right way, it can be digested all the same. A very few human beings have been able to do this: Understand that nothing in this world is permanent. Expecting something to be forever is a terrible mistake. Every relationship, too, is formed on the purpose. You build a relationship with a person because you feel good in it. Isn't that "feeling-good" thing a purpose? (Else you could go into relationship with any tom-dick-harry.) And whatever is formed on the purposes can not be forever. It's logical. Because purposes are born from your composure (which is again shaped by your current circumstances, surrounding, upbringing, ego states, etc.) which is always, always subject to change. So, sooner or later the purpose will cease to be. That's the reason no two lovers feel the same intensity of love after 20 years. After a while every intimate couple remains just "situational partners" and not life partners. Because the intimacy was because of the particular composure at that time which is now changed. Now they are together only because of the mutual need for security in presence of some partner. And at this stage the relationship becomes prone to breaking, except for the fear of society (which happens in India, but look at the west).

It's not sad. It's the truth. Finding soul-mate is is not such a simple process. Now what is soul-mate that I can not explain right now. It's needs too long a description. I will write about everything on my blog some time in the future.

For now, just keep in mind the truth: Try to live what is TODAY. Tomorrow is not yours.

Listen to this sweet song. It will surely make you feel some good.


oRange* said...

@AD: awh, oh sweet of him! yeah, 2 awesome confessions ya..what more :D
yep, im was in the BLAH mood..much better today. i envy the male psycha at times, seriously.
what do u have to say about the times when u know what the guy's feeling, i mean its pretty obvious but he shows no signs of accepting it. i cant just go to him and say 'look i know what u'r feeling ..just ACCEPT IT dude!' :P
aah, so not cool.

@Darshan: wow. i think u made a lot of sense. so u dont think love lasts forever? do u mean to say that people at some point or the other always fall out of love? ouch, that does not sound good :(
thanks for the song. very sweet indeed :)
btw, i had left a comment on ur blog on the topic about luck. i really wanted to see ur reply but i guess u missed it :P

oRange* said...


Darshan Chande said...

Hello Orange,

Do you really think I missed your comment? I don't reply to comments on my blog. Because, you see, my explanations will make another post below the actual post. And if I start replying to each and every comment on the particular post then the post will be rendered shorter than the explanations/replies put together. So usually when a comment is made which stimulates my mind I consider writing a separate post on it. And that I do when I feel like writing on that subject, when I feel it's time. Besides, I really find it difficult to take out time to write, especially when it's philosophical and needs to be deeply thought out and precisely written.

Anyway, as for your comment, since you happen to sound sincere about it here's the answer to your last question "..they're suffering for the misdeeds they committed in their previous birth! i just dont seem to digest that! do u believe in that too?" The short answer is: OF COURSE NOT! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS RE-BIRTHS.

You see, I can't pour myself in such a small place. Even a whole blog is not enough for that :)

Now talking about this reply above. You ask: "do u mean to say that people at some point or the other always fall out of love?"

Fall out of love: Yes. Where there is love, it has to end sooner or later. Love simply can not be forever. Because love is nothing but your own ego-gratification. You are in love with someone because it pleases you. Self is there. Ego is there. And ego-gratification is the purpose there. Now I won't repeat my purpose theory which is said above.

As long as you love some one, know that it can not be forever. Because you love someone for your own ego. You don't love any tom dick & harry, right? You love only the one whom you feel pleased with. So, you love for your own pleasure. When your need for pleasure changes your love will seek a new color. The existing one will no longer remain pleasant. Because it's You in the center. Ego is the center.

So, you love someone and it will not be forever. Forever it will be, when you become that someone. You become who you love. Then you cease to exist. Ego vanishes. Then there is no possibility of changing your composure, because you yourself are no more. You become him. You become one with him. Your soul meagres in his. You got to have that quality. The quality to become a soulmate.

Still I say finding soulmate is not as easy as that. Because you see, it's not a one sided process. When both the persons go through the same process then only two souls can become one. Neither you remain, nor he. The third person then takes place which is combined of you and he. Only then the process of formation of soulmates is complete. It is, indeed, a rare co-incidence. In this world full of purposes no one seems to possess a heat as pure as that.

People don't even have the heart to love God without purpose. How will one love another human as God. People are not even one with God. How do I expect someone to be one with me. So I say it is a rare incidence.

Understand, love is sure a ladder. But not the ultimate thing. If you take love as the ultimate thing then you will surely see it disappearing and then don't be sad. Love is the step; thence two people need to climb up to be one with each other. Dissolving one's self. But that's tough, you know. Ego is a mighty big thing to conquer.

That's why wise men have said love is the act of self-sacrifice. People did not understand the meaning. They started thinking that self-sacrifice means keep getting hurt but keep loving the person. However bad he treats, keep the love alive. Ha! That can not be the meaning of it. The meaning of self-sacrifice here is that when you love let yourself dissolve in that person. And sure it applies for both the persons involved.

Think it will get complicated now... I will write some time about it on my blog. Then I will invite you to read it. Okay?

Till then, MGBU :)

oRange* said...

hmm, in that case why do people marry?
i mean, i would marry the guy only if i love him at least to some extent. there should be something new to discover about each other with every passing day and the relationship eventually grows.
but if this is the case ..i really have 2nd thoughts about marriage!

oRange* said...

and thank you for such a lovely explanation. really appreciate it :)

ya please invite me to read it whenever u'r done :D

All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle ♥