With dreams like these, I rather not wake up ..

Some days back, I had this beautiful dream. It felt so damn real and that was the best part of it. The dream was something like I was giving a bath to this little girl who was maybe 3-4 yrs old.

You know sometimes, it just happens that you know who the other person is ..in your dream. So, yah this girl happened to be my daughter. And oh my god, even though it lasted for like 10 minutes or something I could totally feel what I had for her. It’s like my whole world revolved around her and I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life giving her a bath and just being around her and seeing her laugh and giggle. To top it all, she was so ME :)
I could just sense it. I could sense the connection, the love, the affection I had for her. No dream of mine has EVER been so real. Except that of a bald, fat ass with moustache running behind me in some village which I used to get when I was tiny. Oh well, whatever.

It just feels wonderful to get a feel of that ‘unconditional love’ people talk about ..in my dreams, something that’s never happened to me till now but after this I exactly know how it feels(atleast I think I do). I just hope I’m fortunate enough to experience it in real life too :)

P.S: Remember the friend I wrote about ..who’s suffering from cancer. Doctors confirm that his condition is improving day by day and that he has started breathing on his own(he was on ventilator all these days).
Miracles do happen.
And I fucking love God for this.

Honest Scrap

I can go on about myself but lucky you, I've just been asked to post a few ..
Ramit jii, thanks for the tag!

1. I really wish to trade my nose with somebody someday. But people like Koena Mitra really make me feel a lot better.

2. I look like a lost pup when I cross the road. My friends tend to get scared because I look lost and clueless according to them. I know I walk like I rule the road but that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to my surroundings. They say I’ll lose my life someday like this. Thing is, even I feel the same and I still do nothing about it.

3. I absolutely, madly, truly LOVE my mum. I can’t imagine life without her. I just wish I could be even half the mother/daughter/sister/wife she’s been.

4. I desperately want to go to the Osho ashram once. If there was one person I could call back from the graves, it would be him.
Go die if you think it’s funny.

5. I’ve tried drinking and smoking (once) and I hated them both. What am I!

6. I secretly wish I wasn’t that scared of dogs so that I could own one, one day.

7. I have this *thing* for my nails. I’m 19 and I still bite my nails. I know what you’re thinking but really, they’re tasty. My dad says my nails show how confident I am. Well, riiight.

8. I can’t understand why people find Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie sexy. Scarlett’s just too bland and Angelina Jolie’s got HUGE lips. Not good.

9. Insects freak me out. Even if I see a mosquito around, I start getting that itchy, funny feeling. But I find rats really cute. I find them extremely intelligent and quick.

10. In the last 2 years, I’ve done all..that just seeing other people do, made me make extreme judgements about them once upon a time. That explains why I feel it’s best to see the whole story first before making your own assumptions.

Ramit's like tagged half my blogroll so the rest of you, do it if you wish to or do it when you're struck with a terrible terrible writer's block.

P.S: I was reading my friend’s psychology textbook today which spoke about ego, superego and id. It was so relatable. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
Fuck. What I am doing studying economics.
Psycho deserves me more :(

Yes, I still exist.

Okay, so these random questions keep popping In my head from all that’s happening in and around. So just solve them ..will you!

What do you do if you hear real nasty things about this friend of yours (A) from a common friend? Stuff you never imagined A could do. I know I keep talking about not being judgemental and all that but I know somewhere down the line, what she said about A did change my attitude towards him. It keeps coming back to me whenever I speak to him. And I feel so hypocritical.

When I look around, why do I see so many people ‘practicing’ self-control but when I look at myself .. I see no sign of it? How important is self-control? Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me. I feel you should do whatever makes you happy. Suppressing your emotions is just not right, I feel. But now, I’m scared if this ‘reckless’ behaviour of mine will put me in deep shit one day. At the same time I know whatever happens, happens for a GOOD reason so ..so be it. I’m just going to do what I feel like B-)
And then, 40 years down the line when I’m all old and jobless, I shall write in this same blog of mine stating if my decision was a right one! I’m so curious. Haha.
Till then, I think it’s worth the risk ;)

Okay, so I’m sure many of us, at one point or the other have found ourselves regretting not thinking enough before taking certain decisions taken in the past. My question is, how much is enough? :D
Like, when do you know – Yes, I’ve thought enough and now I’m ready to take the decision. Absurd? Yes, I know.
____________________________________________________________
Everyone’s ultra complicated. Some show it, some don’t. I don’t think anyone is ‘simple’. Not at all.

I am out of the loop.
Totally by choice.
Clap for me if you get me :D

Oh and I'm just too caught up with things these days which is why I couldnt read all your new posts. I shall do so asap :)
Laaav!

P.S: I gave the first interview of my life and it was KILLERRR! :)

Fly me to the moooon.

There are days when you feel like shit.
And then there are days when you feel loved..so so loved :)
When you realise that there aren’t enough days because you want to live forever
When you want to spend all the time you have with the ones you love.
When you feel like running away to some other planet and taking them along!
When you are ready to forget all the mess some people got into your life.

Yes, it’s THAT day.
And I’m feeling incredibly lucky to have met some people I have.
And I want them in my next life too.
Like, any how okay.

Some days the whole world seems upside down. And then some how, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

I realized, to change your world ..all you have to do is change the way you feel inside.
How easy can that get ha?

And now, I want to fly.
And dance.

Tata.

P.S: Lady Gaga.Is.A.Crazy.Woman.

WHAT, seriously ..WHAT was she thinking?! :O

When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am

Just as I was staring at myself in the mirror thinking about something, I realised that my patience has increased immensely in these years.
Thanks to a few lovely people.
And ofcourse, a few shitheads too without whom it wouldn’t have been possible :)

Everyone’s getting married.
Wtf.
Even I feel like it.
Just that I don’t have a guy in hand now.
Problem na?

When some people make a come back in your life, is it natural to get tempted and get into the whole thing again? What if you want to but history reminds you that it might not be such a good idea? Requires strength to stand up and say ‘go away'. I’m not sure if I have that in me. Talk about tempting offers -_-

I *think* I’m going through a writer’s block.
Something like, you open the word document to write a new blog post and nothing ..absoulutely nothing strikes you! Your mind's blank! That's all.
YES. That is it.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.

I don't like the number '63'. Make it 64 atleast.

Aiyoo!

Why do we need to know which court Mohinder Singh Pandher was tried in?
Why do we need to know when Sachin won the Arjuna Award?
Why do we need to know which state wont have the state elections?

Why, oh why!
I just can’t get myself to pick Economic Times and start reading that horribly coloured newspaper.
Can’t I be questioned on Bombay Times instead?

Boo :(

The yem bee yae blues begin soon. Shoot me.

Dilsa koi kameena nahi
Koi to rokey, koi to tokey
Iss umar mein ab khaogey dhokhe
Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji

This song is the saxxx!

Enough Please!

Whenever someone goes through tough times, we always tell them “look around. There’s a whole world around you. Look at the beggar on the street, the homeless. Consider yourself lucky and get over it”. Well yes, that’s absolutely true but the last time I heard this, I wondered what they might be telling each other to make it through. Who can they look at and feel 'lucky'?

I have a friend who’s just 17 and was detected with brain cancer 2 years back. The guy’s life hadn’t even started for god’s sake! Whenever you look at him, you just can’t make out that he is going through SUCH an awful time. I know some questions don’t have answers but WHY HIM?!! Did his parents know that their 17 yr old son would have to be going through this one fine day? Did his friends know that he won’t be able to graduate with them? Did HE know that one headache would turn his world upside down?

He was so lively, so full of zest once upon a time and now seeing him sit quietly in one corner and watch TV all day is agonizing. Inspite of all this, he still manages to smile and make you feel that nothing’s changed. Whenever my parents visit him, I avoid going with them. I’m just too scared. I don’t know how to react when I see him. I don’t want to be saying something wrong.

I don’t care if people say cancer is a dangerous disease, I don’t care if people say that a cancer patient doesn’t live long. I just want him to LIVE! He has to get back to normal! Somehow, when you’re old and you’re detected with something like this, it’s still believable but when kids are made to go through such tiring times, it just doesn’t seep in.

His family has seen enough in these 2 years and everytime I look at them, I just think that it’s high time they get their due. It’s like, their patience is being tested and that ‘test’ never seems to end. How long can you go on stretching a string ..there will come a time when it’ll just snap. That’s not done. You cannot test one’s endurance level and play with them like this!

Imagine living like this continuously for 2 years. 2 fucking years! Rushing between doctors and hospitals, juggling with medicines and therapy sessions, getting up every morning and struggling through their days ..
It’s too much.
They don’t deserve this. Nobody does.
On what basis is all this planned anyway? It SUCKS! Sucks so bad to see someone who so badly wants to live, battling for life everyday.
I hope they win this.

‘Whatever happens, happens for the best’ is something I totally believe in but I can’t get myself to understand how such a thing can happen for the best?